As people transition through the milestones of life, sexuality shifts and flows with them and it is important to allied health professionals and other support workers to include sexuality in their discussions with their clients as part of the kaleidoscope of life.
My sexual journey, or beginning of my sexuality, reached its first milestone when I was thirteen. The only problem was that the sex education I received at the time didn’t take into account my disability and how that might impact my sexuality.
What I needed at the time was not so much practical support to engage in sexual activity but verbal and emotional support where I could safely talk about my experiences and what the support could look like in the future.
As I got older my desire to safely express my sexuality grew but unfortunately the support and knowledge around sexuality did not grow with me. For example, I engaged both a psychologist and occupational therapist to help me come up with strategies to engage in intimate activity but neither the psychologist or occupational therapist were able to come up with suitable options such as accessible sex toys. My occupational therapist and I did unsuccessfully make a hand splint to assist with masturbation.
At having my first sexual experience at the age of nineteen I discovered that my physical limitations did not present the way I expected and I must work on ways to keep myself relaxed so my grip and touch will function the way I need it to during intimacy.
I also discovered that spontaneity can be difficult due to the fact I require a lot of accessible equipment such as hoists, slings, and adjustable beds.
Seventeen years ago I was fortunate enough to meet and marry the love of my life and my sexuality, needs, and journey evolved once more.
The priority became not just the physical act of intercourse but physical expressions of love in all forms. Ways we can share a kiss, hold hands, and give my wife a back massage.
This new intimacy also included simple things like how I wear clothes that make me feel attractive or drink champagne on a romantic date.
Sex and sexuality is a basic human need so people with disabilities express heir sexuality in every way humans do. According to OT After Dark podcast, some people with disabilities even participate in the BDSM lifestyle because it gives them a sense of control that they don’t have in their everyday life.
So I would encourage occupational therapists and other allied health professionals to think deeply and act proactively to help everyone experience life’s Kaleidoscope of intimacy.
Intimate Kaleidoscope
I unfold the love letter from the scented envelope;
This begins my vision into the intimate kaleidoscope.
Disability and sex have often been victims of segregation;
I never saw diagrams of myself in sex education.
Sex to me is freedom from pain and is as beautiful as the summer weather;
This is why I have made myself a professor of the principles of pleasure.
I am a gypsy travelling this sexuality land;
A place where it doesn’t matter if I can walk or stand.
I look through a crystal ball that is the beautiful eyes of my wife
And see the future of an eternal sex life.
Touch and pleasure are more than sex, love, and goop;
They help me escape my physical limitations and anxiety's infinite loop.
Just when I think I can no longer cope
I dive into the colours of life’s intimate kaleidoscope.
Chris Van Ingen | 25 September 2023
Comments
Post a Comment