The Poet in Me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reflections of a disability

 

I look in the mirror who do I see because it certainly isn’t me;

 Every imperfection magnified like it’s under a microscope;

 I don’t know how much longer I can cope;

 

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul;

 I look through my eyes into my deep dark soul and I feel like I’m losing control;

 

When I was young and my life had just begun I dreamed a thousand dreams.

I should have listened to my mum and dads advice,

 because after all they have been here before.

They always told me take it one step at a time and everything would be just fine.

 

I often wonder why I am here that there is no reason is my biggest fear;

 all I want in life is my dreams to come true;

 if they don’t I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.

 

I look in the mirror and what do I see, my disability staring back at me.

 

By Chris Van Ingen 28. 08.2002

Fragments in time

 

 

Each moment in time is just a fragment,

 

we never know how many we are going to get as time goes by fast,

 

 soon the future becomes the past.

 

As time moves on it gets a little strange,

 

but some things never change.

 

Somewhere along the line we all experience pain,

 

but that is the rules of the game.

 

So we learn to love, laugh and cry and at the end of the day we are left

 

asking why?

 

 

I watch the old woman sitting in her chair and I wonder how time led her

 

 there.

 

The wrinkles on her face are cracks in her facade,

 

from the moments in time that have left her scarred.

 

We are born kicking and screaming,

 

but we waste most of our time sitting and dreaming.

.

When we are young we believe we have plenty of time up our sleeves,

 

but before we know it, it is time to leave.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Puzzle of life

 

 

Life is a puzzle this is true;

Let me tell you something, I haven’t got a clue.

When we are young we look at the world and say this could be fun.

Here on earth we walk a fine line between heaven and hell;

Which is which it is hard to tell?

Every day men go to war, let me ask you what the hell for?

Lust, money, greed and power;

 so many dirty words I think I’d better take a shower.

There are so many bad things in the world,

That people have forgotten to focus on the good,

So I think it is about time someone should.

Love and hope without this none of us would cope;

Remind yourself of this every day in any way you can;

Because if you don’t it could be the end of man.

 

Life is a puzzle this is true. How it will end I haven’t got a clue?

By Chris Van Ingen

9/9/02

 

911

 

The anniversary of September 11^th is here;

It’s hard to believe it has already been a year,

And yet the world still lives in fear.

It was the most horrible thing that any of us have ever seen.

What I’d seen on my TV screen didn’t seem real it looked like something straight out of a movie scene.

A collage of faces I watched them all cry;

I remember asking myself why.

The whole event shook us all down to our soul;

Because we realised we weren’t the ones in control.

The twin towers they did fall but humanity did tower in the planet’s darkest hour.

We should thank god that we are alive each day;

Because we don’t know how long it’s going to be that way.

The anniversary of September 11^th is here it’s hard to believe it has been one year.

 

By Chris Van Ingen

11.9.02

 

 

Imaginary Friend

 

Goodbye my imaginary friend, my chest tightens and my throat swells as I realize our special friendship must come to an end.

 

I have to move forward and become a man I think that is god's plan;

As I take my first steps out of the protective bubble that is my mother’s womb;

The world is filled with doom and gloom.

 

I long for my happy childhood when I used to see everything in black and white;

And I knew everything would be alright,

With you by my side along for the ride.

 

Now there is no turning back, that is life’s brutal fact.

 

Every day I watch the news and I am presented with conflicting views,

On one hand I see war and betrayal;

And on the other I see a humble women becoming a princess;

Finally getting her fairytale.

 

Somehow in this schizophrenic world my spastic body and I have to avoid strife and try and build a so-called normal life.

 

I have to find my true love before my heart turns hard and black,

Before I’m too blind to see that she is standing right in front of me.

 

One day I will turn old and grey,

And I will regress back to my childhood happiness.

You will be there to hold my hand until the end,

My dear imaginary friend.

 

 

16-5-2004.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Secret Love

 

You are my secret love, my secret angel.

Sent from god’s kingdom above.

 

Every part of me feels pain,

Because I can’t tell you how I really feel;

That is such a cruel deal.

 

My secret love you are every thing I prayed I would find one day;

Why does it have to be this way?

 

You and I can never be,

So my heart will never be free.

 

Please my love send me an anti love potion;

So I can end my secret devotion.

 

My secret love, my secret angel;

Sent to me from god’s kingdom above.

 

 

True Love

 

True love is no ordinary love; it’s a special kind;

The kind that people search all over the world trying to find.

True love is when you see that special someone,

Your head is filled with romantic words that rhyme;

They're so easy to talk to you lose track of time.

 

True love is when you think they are more beautiful than all the stars in the sky;

But you don’t know why?

It is when you can’t tell them how you feel,

Because you’re scared it might not be real.

When your about to give up on true love and fate;

Out of nowhere comes your soul mate.

 

True love is when someone makes you become the better person you want to be;

Because without them your heart will never be free.

True love is when you know you cannot be with them because it wouldn’t be right,

But your heart won’t give up the fight.

The path to true love is never perfect,

It always goes up and down;

Otherwise we can’t appreciate the miracle that we found.

Above all true love is fun,

Because it’s different for everyone.

20/05/2004

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Heartache

 

My heart aches, my heart breaks with every beat it takes;

My heart begs her to stay, but this love story cannot turn out that way.

 

Everyday I live in fear that my thoughts will betray how much I want to be with her.

It’s as if she is surrounded by an invisible force, just one smile from her throws my heart off-course.

 

I know that love exists because she is out there, so can anybody tell me why in the game of love the rules are so unfair.

Whenever she is around I don’t know whether I want to fly;

 above the clouds in the sky or go to my room and cry.

 

My heart aches, my heart breaks with every beat it takes.

 

Faith.

 

 

I believe in god all mighty, my faith is what keeps me safe.

I believe there is a reason god gave me a disability;

I believe I am suppose to prove to the world your dreams can come true;

 at the end of the day no matter how big the obstacles standing in your way.

I don’t know whether this theory is wrong or right but it helps me sleep at night.

They say in this life “no pain no gain” then some of us must be way ahead of the game.

I must confess I have wondered once or twice whether my life is worth such a hefty price.

That’s why god gave me a family of angels; my father, my mother, brother and grandparents too, have always been there to help me through.

Sometimes I feel the burden I cause outweighs my short term benefit, but I’m not going to give up yet, because I believe in all mighty god and it’s my faith that keeps me safe.

 

 

My inspiration

 

 

Love is exciting and joyous;

Love is finding your one and only.

Love is dangerously debilitating;

Love is my inspiration.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Butterfly.

She is my shining light in the darkness.

Somehow she opens my heart which has been closed,

leaving it naked and exposed.

 

She whispers softly in my ears,

the words I’ve been dying to hear for years.

 

She makes me feel more like a man than any other woman can.

So if she ever doubts what I feel for her is true,

All she has to do; is put her hand over my heart,

And feel it race every time I see her face.

 

I pray to god that she will be patient with me,

because I’m not yet equipped for such intimacy.

When I’m with her it’s like watching a butterfly spread its wings,

It reminds me that the world is full of beautiful things.

 

 

 

Love story.

This is a real life story of the beauty and the beast,

This is the story of how my heart was released.

Something so precious it would rival even Romeo and Juliet,

My lady I shall never forget.

 

Under the stars we kiss,

I never knew dreams could feel like this.

We look into each other’s eyes as I hold her hand,

As a symbol we understand.

I never knew someone could make you feel so strong and yet so weak,

She is the happiness that I seek.

I would go through hell every day,

Just for a chance she would make me feel this way.

To her my promises will be forever true,

For her there is nothing I wouldn’t do.

 

 

 

 

Reflections of a disability II

 

A man split in two presents a conflicting view,

Which one should we consider to be true?.

His inner soul knows he could be anything he wants to be,

If it wasn’t for his damn disability.

His one true love makes him feel like a normal man,

She makes him dream of a life full of hope,

She makes him believe in gods plan.

He takes one look at her and wants her to be his wife,

He takes one look at his mangled body and asks,

If I love her, how can I make her part this spastic life?

He tells himself no pain no gain,

If that is the case the he should be way ahead of the game.

When a man, split in two, looks at himself what does he see?

Reflections of a disability.

 

 

 

 

Reflections of a Disability III

 

Strange eyes stare at my nakedness;

Strange eyes stare at my body’s spastic mess.

My mind switches into automatic pilot; trying to forget.

My mind trained to go numb, trained to escape;

The invasion that is to come.

 

Strange hands clean up the waste from my wasted body.

I only hope that my mask is good enough so that the strange eyes cannot see, how much I hate such indignity.

 

I wonder what the strange eyes see when they look at me,

I wonder if they see the same things I see.

I wonder if the strange eyes see reflections of a disability.

 

Tell me what to do.

 

Won’t somebody tell me what to do?

I’m so confused, my brain is bruised,

I haven’t a clue what I should do.

Should I be an actor? Musician?

Or a goddamn magician?

A writer? a fighter? or a bull rider?

A teacher? a preacher?

This thing called life is a strange creature.

 

I make so many plans each and every year,

But somehow I just get stuck in first gear.

My life is going nowhere fast,

I don’t know how much longer I can last.

Sometimes I feel that I got the wrong deal,

That my life isn’t real.

I pray to god each and every night,

Just to find out what he’s got to say,

But I get no answer anyway.

 

 

Won’t somebody please tell me what to do?

I’m so confused my brain is bruised,

I haven’t got a clue what I should do.

Won’t somebody please tell me now?

The who, what, why, when and how.

Please hurry up because I don’t have much time,

I’m running out of words to put in this rhyme.

 

So by know you’ve probably got the impression,

I’m suffering from some kind of depression.

Let me tell you that is not the case,

There are just some things I my life I’ve had to face,

Don’t worry because it won’t be long

And I will be back on my feet again feeling strong.

 

Won’t somebody please tell me what to do?

I’m so confused my brain is bruised,

I haven’t got a clue what I should do.

 

 

 

Reflections of a Disability IV

 

I live my life in limbo. Where do I belong?

Does anybody know?

The real world is where my heart and mind belong,

But my body just feels all wrong.

In the spastic world my body feels at home,

But my soul feels empty and alone.

 

In the real world I try to live with the normal crowd,

But the stick figures painted on the special car parks show me I’m not allowed.

In the spastic world my body is the same,

But I don’t play by the rules of their game.

I feel like I’m a better man,

Because I can accomplish more than they can.

 

This last fact is not true,

It’s just a lie I tell myself to help me get through.

 

I cannot escape this life in limbo,

I have nowhere to go.

I will never be free,

Because I’ll always be surrounded by reflections of a disability.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Overwhelming

 

What can we do to help the millions of African orphans whose parents have died of AIDS?

How can we stand by and watch the virus run rampant while the hope in a boy’s eyes fades?

How can we overcome the helplessness?

How can we help the world clean up this mess?

 

Why does a God who loves us, give us the precious gift of the Earth wrapped in a bow?

And then take so many lives away with one single blow.

 

How do we find the strength to deal with such a tragic thing?

When the grief we feel is so overwhelming.

 

So much human loss engulfed in one single wave,

It amazes me how people can be so brave.

It’s good to see all the world’s nations come together as one,

I just hope no one gives up until the job is done.

It will probably take many, many years

Along with hundreds and thousands of tears.

 

It is sad that it takes so much pain for us to come together,

I only hope we’ll learn from this and the world will stay united forever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reflections of a Disability V

 

 

How do a man’s eyes look forward,

When his heart tells him he’s nothing but a fraud?

How does a man figure out who he is?

When the spirit of a ferocious tiger

And the voice of failure live side by side.

 

How does a man sleep at night,

When the fear of losing the happiness he has

Ties him up in knots on the inside?

 

How does a man deal with the thought,

That the woman he loves more than anything in the world,

Might one day see reflections of a disability,

Instead of the man he wants to be?

 

 

Making Love

 

 

Making love is not just about sex,

It’s about something much more beautiful and complex.

 

Making love occurs when two lover’s bodies and minds,

Are completely intertwined.

Making love is more than just physical,

Some people describe it as something very spiritual.

 

Making love is when being inside your lover,

Is not about any kind of physical release,

It is about the ultimate expression of intimacy and peace.

 

Making love is when you feel your lover’s touch,

Skin on skin,

And you know there couldn’t possibly be a more beautiful thing.

 

If there’s ever a time you need proof of a God above,

Take the one you love,

Lie together and make love.

 

Prayer of the Disabled

 

 

The prayer of the disabled

is that the rest of humanity,

Will learn to see

More than just a disability.

 

We hope that all those people

Who offer prayers,

That we will walk again

And God will take away our pain.

Will learn that for as long as God wants it,

This is the way things will stay.

 

We pray that there is a reason,

To keep up the fight,

Season after season.

We pray God will make us strong,

Just so we can keep going on.

We pray that when Jesus does return,

The reason for everything we shall learn.

 

The prayer of the disabled

is that the rest of humanity,

Will learn to see

More than just a disability.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pain of Christ

 

 

At Easter we are reminded

Of the Passion of the Christ,

And how much he sacrificed.

 

Jesus suffered so much pain and ridicule,

But in the end he committed the

Ultimate act of selflessness.

With my disability

I have also experienced pain,

Which makes me commit

The ultimate act of selfishness.

 

How can one man be so strong?

And still do no wrong?

Each time I hear Jesus’ story

I weep and promise to carry on.

And yet in this modern world

How easy we forget.

 

Jesus’ faith made him different,

Just like my disability

Makes me different too.

But it’s God’s love

That sees us both through.

 

Thankyou Jesus

For what you give,

You are the reason

I can live.

 

 

Road of Life

 

Travelling down the road of life;

At the end will be the woman,

They will call my wife.

This road travels through the forest of life,

On one side the forest is lush and green

And on the other side is a jungle of technology.

 

Gone are the days of simplicity,

When the only thing that mattered in life

Was driving in the car with the family.

 

The road of life takes many bends,

We will all have many changes in course

Before it ends.

A career, a home and children too.

These are just some of the turns

Our life will travel through.

 

We all need a compass when travelling

The road of life

For me this is the woman they will call

My wife.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Insanity

Hello I’m insanity I have many different faces I can be lurking in so many different places.

Claustrophobic, agoraphobic, homophobic, all these things are the seeds that make you sick, just watch and see soon people will be questioning your sanity.

 

Homicidal maniac planning a sickening attack, that’s insanity that’s it Jack.

Watch out world here comes crazy; things are starting to get a little hazy.

Delusions of bouncing cats and a deranged clown, how about some nice medicine to calm you down?

 

Many things can make you insane especially indescribable pain, losing the love of your life or the killing rage of a battered wife.

Some people feel invincible like there the best, then the next second there morbidly depressed.

Sometimes when I am in your head suicide seems like such a sweet ride.

When things in the world seem to be getting out of control, just look around and you will see all different types of insanity.

Long Wait

 

I sit and wait once more,

Waiting for life like I have so many times before.

My anticipation grows with each passing car,

Is anyone coming to get me?

I wonder where the hell they are.

I see something off in the distance,

I try to give chase,

But then I remember my place.

 

I turn my attention to my pathetic limbs,

They remind me of the haunting branches

Of a tree in a horror movie

 

I sit trapped in this electric monster.

There’s nothing left to do except wait for her,

The torturous long wait

For this miserable thing they call fate.

 

Disappear

 

How do you face the fear that everything you wanted could disappear?

What do you do when you know no matter how hard you pray,

everyone you love God can take them away.

 

How do you stop yourself from becoming stressed,

when you realize you’ve been truly blessed.

You can’t help but wonder is it all a dream because it can’t possibly be as good as it may seem.

A family that helps you be every thing you can be

Despite a fucked up disability.

A women that shows you what life and love are all about,

She lets you know that you didn’t have it all figured out.

 

After all the pain what do you do when at last

All your dreams come so fast.

How do you deal with the feeling late at night when you know it isn’t right?...

How do you deal with feeling so guilty that all the dreams have can come true for someone like me.

What do you do when you look back and see that you live in fear that every thing you have could disappear?

Life is not a rock

 

Life is not a rock around our necks,

Life is not a burden we have to carry.

Life is not something to be endured,

Life is something to be lived.

 

Life is like making love

We can not enjoy it until we let ourselves go.

We should rejoice in our joy and revel in our pain,

these are the things that teach us what is precious.

 

Our worries have plunged our world into darkness;

We have forgotten how to breathe every breath like it’s the sweetest chocolate

Or saver those moments with the ones we love like they are an exotic cuisine.

 

Life if something we don’t know when it will end

So we should live our life with no regrets,

No unanswered questions,

Leave no dream unfulfilled,

Life is to be loved,

Life is not a rock around our necks.