Priority Sexuality

 My relationship to sexuality can be broken into two distinct phases; almost forty plus years of personal sexuality, and eighteen years as a sexual advocate and educator. 

When you put both these phases together I have learned one very important lesson. 

Sexuality must be a priority!

Personally, sex and sexuality is what drives me the most. It has been my ultimate source of pleasure and frustration.

The frustration comes when the people who are supposed to support me to live my best life ignore my desire for sex and sexuality. 

Allied health professionals, such as occupational therapists, can be the bridge  between uncomfortable disability services and clients wanting to express themselves in a healthy and safe way. 

The occupational therapy podcast OT After Dark has many episodes that perfectly capture how therapists can engage in the occupation of sexuality with their clients. 

There are also a number of great publications covering the topic. I recommend everyone in the allied health and disability sectors read:

We’ve Got This a book with a collection of stories detailing the parenting journeys of people with disabilities. 

Another great read is The Handi Book of Love, Lust & Disability .

Sexuality as a whole is about more than the physical act of sex. When you are supporting someone to explore their sexuality, you must also remember to include sensuality. 

Sensuality is about the feeling of things. Making something feel good. Smell good. Taste good. 

Drawing from my own experience I often don’t feel good about my own body. So an occupational therapist who can incorporate sensuality into the discussion about sexuality can help me overcome some of the negativity that exists because of my disability. 

Tapping into my sexuality and sex is the fastest way for me to feel normal not to mention that the endorphins released during sex are the best natural pain reliever. 

In my life occupational therapists have focused on writing, feeding, and dressing myself which are important life skills but are not as important to me as the priority of my sexuality. 

Priority Sexuality 

Incoming priority message:

My desire for sex and sexuality is larger than the skies.

Yet disability blanks it out and people forget to prioritise.

I can say with absolute authority sexuality is my priority.

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

Having a disability does not delete my penis.

Yes, I know it is more than about what goes in which hole;

It is about the experience as a whole.

The happiest experiences in my life 

Are all the times I make love to my wife.

Never forget sexuality is an important occupation.

It is not just for wishful thinking or horny contemplation.

Sexuality is the topic that has kept me most occupied

Even when the world turned their back and said access denied.

I can say with absolute authority 

Sexuality is my priority.

Chris Van Ingen 2022