Skip to main content

Priority Sexuality

 My relationship to sexuality can be broken into two distinct phases; almost forty plus years of personal sexuality, and eighteen years as a sexual advocate and educator. 

When you put both these phases together I have learned one very important lesson. 

Sexuality must be a priority!

Personally, sex and sexuality is what drives me the most. It has been my ultimate source of pleasure and frustration.

The frustration comes when the people who are supposed to support me to live my best life ignore my desire for sex and sexuality. 

Allied health professionals, such as occupational therapists, can be the bridge  between uncomfortable disability services and clients wanting to express themselves in a healthy and safe way. 

The occupational therapy podcast OT After Dark has many episodes that perfectly capture how therapists can engage in the occupation of sexuality with their clients. 

There are also a number of great publications covering the topic. I recommend everyone in the allied health and disability sectors read:

We’ve Got This a book with a collection of stories detailing the parenting journeys of people with disabilities. 

Another great read is The Handi Book of Love, Lust & Disability .

Sexuality as a whole is about more than the physical act of sex. When you are supporting someone to explore their sexuality, you must also remember to include sensuality. 

Sensuality is about the feeling of things. Making something feel good. Smell good. Taste good. 

Drawing from my own experience I often don’t feel good about my own body. So an occupational therapist who can incorporate sensuality into the discussion about sexuality can help me overcome some of the negativity that exists because of my disability. 

Tapping into my sexuality and sex is the fastest way for me to feel normal not to mention that the endorphins released during sex are the best natural pain reliever. 

In my life occupational therapists have focused on writing, feeding, and dressing myself which are important life skills but are not as important to me as the priority of my sexuality. 



Priority Sexuality 


Incoming priority message:

My desire for sex and sexuality is larger than the skies.

Yet disability blanks it out and people forget to prioritise.

I can say with absolute authority sexuality is my priority.


Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

Having a disability does not delete my penis.

Yes, I know it is more than about what goes in which hole;

It is about the experience as a whole.


The happiest experiences in my life 

Are all the times I make love to my wife.

Never forget sexuality is an important occupation.

It is not just for wishful thinking or horny contemplation.


Sexuality is the topic that has kept me most occupied

Even when the world turned their back and said access denied.

I can say with absolute authority 

Sexuality is my priority.


Chris Van Ingen 2022




Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Sexuality Through the Ages

 It is twenty years this year since I was first approached by the School of Occupational Therapy to speak on the topic of transition to adulthood, disability, and sexuality. Since that time I have expanded to deliver disability education across Australia and yet disability and sexuality is still the most common topic I get asked to speak on.  With this in mind I am going to shock you all by saying I wish I had never had to speak on the topic. Sexuality is such a fundamental part of life that from the teenage years till death it should be assumed that anyone engaged in helping a human being with the occupation of life should automatically include the topic of sexuality.  Society has conflicting views when it comes to talking about and expressing sexuality. Add the word disability into the mix and people tend to run away or shut their eyes.  I started my sexual life like all young people by going through puberty. In the mid-nineties the environmental factors and condit...

Lights! Camera! Rhyme Time!

Chris Van Ingen and William McInnes on set of Rhyme Time Photo credit: Charlie Kinross  For regular readers of this blog it is no secret that acting is my life, and my life is acting. I can now share with you a joyful experience I had shooting a film called Rhyme Time . Rhyme Time  is a thought provoking, sweet comedy about an old school librarian coming to terms with an ever changing modern world.  Throughout my career I have been lucky enough to be billed alongside great casts such as Rachel Griffiths, Claudia Karvan, and Matt Nable to name a few.  Rhyme Time continues my blessed luck working with Australian legends such as William McInnes from Blue Heelers , Sea Change , and NCIS Sydney fame. William is joined by Emily Havea best known for her work in Wentworth . The cast was rounded out by an amazing group of adorable and rambunctious children that completely stole the show and made the final act of the film one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. Lastly I ha...

Circle of Life or Circle of Tech

 I have written extensively about how assistive technology helps me be independent. In blog posts such as More Than a Test Drive and Tony Stark's House (an Assistive Technology Dream) . My disability has turned the circle of life into a circle of tech.  Every few years I have to go through the assistive technology merry go round because all of my equipment seems to break down at the same time.  I am in the process of applying for a new hoist and sling, shower commode chair, bed, front door opener, and new abductor cushion.  I also am aware in the not too distant future I will have to attempt to try and get a new wheelchair. Every time I have to apply for a new piece of equipment my therapists and I have to make the case as to why that particular piece of equipment is 'reasonable and necessary'.  The frustrating thing about this is, even though it might be clear that I need a piece of equipment, one or two words in the funding form can make a difference on wheth...