In my years as a disability sexuality advocate I have been taught the importance of making sure disabled people of all sexuality backgrounds are represented. This is what has made me a LGBT+ ally.
Every year I am asked to speak to disability organisations, universities, and more about the topic of sexuality; and although I do not know what it’s like to be a part of the LGBT+ community, my disability has given me an insight into some of the negativity around sexuality that exists in our society.
I have been told: 'How dare I be attracted to an able bodied woman? Shouldn’t I just stick to my own type?’
In my life I have had many friends with disabilities from the LGBT+ community and a number of them have been told that their disability has made things complicated enough, why would they want to add the extra complication of being gay on top of it?
Sexuality is not a choice. It is simply a fundamentally human instinct and disability or not we all deserve the right to express our sexuality freely.
I was compelled to right this piece after watching two Netflix programs; one, the documentary ‘A Secret Love’ about an elderly couple who are faced with the reality of coming out when being moved into aged care, and the second program was ‘Nanette’ by Hannah Gadsby, a powerful show illustrating the struggles she had coming to terms with her sexuality in a small town.
My disability has meant that I have been laughed at for expressing sexual desire but I have never been beaten up like some people in the LGBT+ community.
In the 2000s some people with disabilities were being sterilised without their consent and gay and lesbian people were being sent to conversion camps. These are things that should not be happening and I encourage all people working in the health and disability sectors to have an open mind about sexuality. It should not come down to a person's orientation, age, race, or disability. Whether you call it an occupational performance indicator or a human right, sexuality should not be treated as some phantom never discussed.
Phantom Sexuality
Sexuality should not be treated as a phantom who wears a mask.
It is simply part of being human; surely that’s not too much to ask?
Disability, sexuality, and LGBT+ rights are like two parallel railway lines where prejudice intertwines.
Just because I am in a wheelchair doesn’t mean I am sexual freak and just because a woman doesn’t wear a dress doesn’t mean she has lost her sexual peak.
Just because I have a disability and sexual desire doesn’t mean I’m condemned to hellfire and no special camp can ever pray away the gay.
Sexuality is a right that covers the human experience in as many ways as the stars cover the night.
Sexuality should not live in the shadow but nor should we have to fly a flag to let people know.
It should be accepted as a part of life’s natural flow.
The song 'Let's Talk About Sex' does not tell you the topic is so complex.
My disability does not turn my body into that of a Ken doll; my sexuality is part of my soul.
Same sex attraction is not an equation that can be reduced to a fraction.
Sex is life and life is sex and it’s definition is for you to decide before we speak next.
Chris Van Ingen | 1 October 2020
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